naive Gringa rant

Being around people who are not from the US gives you a completely new perspective of the world. Obviously! Obvio po. It does not take an experience like this to know that. But really, I have no idea how the world works, in general, not just in Chile. I don't know where anything is, what the people are like, or what it is really like to travel. I don't know how to cook, or that black tea is not the same as black coffee, with nothing added to it, it's a different kind, imagine that! I don't know how to interact with people different than me, or those similar to me. In fact, there is not much that I actually know how to do outside of my own little world at home, despite my significant efforts to branch out and become a little more comfortable. It has been a lot of effort; I am not a hermit, I am very socially active, but you might not be able to tell. I am significantly more confused than the language barrier excuse allows. Most people my age from other English-speaking countries know more about my culture than I do, movies, music, especially music, common references I don't get. It doesn't matter of course, but it's interesting. I am nearly 21 years old and have never swam in the ocean. Not once. I live an hour away from the ocean at home. Does this matter? Not at all, but I still want to swim in the ocean. I have never accomplished anything big, my skill set is a very narrow spectrum. I mean I have of course, lots of things I value a lot, such as doing well in a race or getting a good grade or having a great group at camp, but I need to not devalue my accomplishments. Maybe this is my reason for coming here, not only to learn a new language and experience a new culture, but to do something, or to realize the importance of what I do. [as I reread this, this sounds completely insane, but I will keep it as a snapshot of my thoughts, and a good representation of the way my mind works.] I am preoccupied, I do a lot of somethings all the time, but nothing earth-shattering, it's all enjoyable, good, different and varied and exciting in my mind, but actually it is all the same thing, comfortable. I need to grow more than that. I feel egotistical beginning every sentence in this post with the word 'I', though I will bank on my poor writing skills and continue to do so (haha, great example of my mind working faster than my words, resulting in unexplained conversation gaps). I am the epitome of the naive [North]American exchange student; I never know what's going on, how stuff works, where to go next, how to respond (I feel like who, when, and why should be included in there somewhere). It goes beyond language; am just kind of clueless in general. However, there has to be more to me than that, I am smarter than that. Maybe. Actually, probably not, but I will learn, slowly, but I will learn. I am not a Spanish language prodigy, entertaining, funny, musically inclined, good at remembering anything, a great runner, super genus, well-travelled, outgoing, confident, or anything else that I admire in anyone who is not me. Right now, I can tell you what I am not more than what I am. Check back in 4 months from now. My goal: to be able to tell you more about what I can do than what I can't do. And to speak Spanish a bit more fluently than right now, that too. Please do not think that I am going to go out of control and ruin my life, that is not what I mean at all. Here is the disclaimer: I am ok, I promise, overwhelmed but ok, trying to work out my reasoning and goals for this adventure is all.

My perspective is severely skewed I know. I do a lot, and am capable of a lot. I need to hold a certain sense of humor and insensitivity, as well as selflessness as I make this adjustment. A note on this, the adjustment to living in Chile is getting harder for me right now, not easier. That may seem weird, but now I am thinking about long term goals, how to balance my life between classes and other things, thinking about how I want to live differently than at home. I don't want to settle into a really comfortable routine, I have to keep working at the language and experiencing Chilean culture, keep pushing to learn, but at the same time I am developing a life here, a schedule, an order. That is not always an easy thing to figure out. I am comfortable with the basics, now I have to immerse myself into the language more, speaking more, talking to Chileans more, to really begin to learn it.

Switching gears, I want to really travel here. Not just stop and take pictures, but to experience it, live it, look around, explore it. As a wise professor once told me, "Not just get up and go, but to look around." There is a lot South America has to offer, and I can never experience as much of it as I want to.